Roller Coaster

favorite ride...let me kiss you one last time...

Although, there's been no kissing involved, and I really don't enjoy the boy roller coaster. So I guess the rest of that song doesn't apply. Last Saturday, I told my mom "I like liking guys" today I was thinking, "I hate liking guys". Oh how a week can change your emotions. What goes up must come down...

I still like him. He's cute, funny, fun to be with, has similar interests, loves Jesus, loves working with teens, loves camping, but he's less mature than I am. Which really, wouldn't bother me too much, but he also wants to get out of this state. So, now I'm wondering why we're putting so much effort into flirting. I still like him, so I don't want to stop, but if it's not going to lead anywhere is there a point? He doesn't like serious conversations so I can't bring it up to him. Also, we're just friends and although I'm pretty sure he likes me too, I don't want to be presumptuous. Altho, one good thing about this, it's the first time I haven't felt like I chasing him. He plans a lot of our mutual events too. Oh well...at least meeting him helped remind me that I could just meet anyone at anytime. or something.

Don't put me in a box

One reason I love working for Schmucker Cabinets is because it's in a storage unit and we keep the garage doors open (pending on the weather). It's like working outside, because we don't have a.c. or heat, but it's better than working outside because we're not in the sun. Florida summers at the shop can seem like hell (literally) especially when we have to spray inside with the doors down to filter the fumes out. BUT lately work has slowed down to the speed of a leaky faucet, and this has had me trying to find ways to support my lifestyle in other venues. I applied for social work type jobs to utilize my degree, but no one wanted me. I am working on becoming a substitute teacher, and waiting on my PIN so I can get started. My mom has me thinking about going to get my master's in gifted education so I can teach Alpha like her, but I want to wait and see how I like teacher. I am on two au pair websites to see about becoming a nanny overseas or something, and I had been talking to this lady in Australia but she can't afford to buy me a ticket over and neither can I. I applied to work at Tijuana Flats around Christmas, but I don't think they'll hire me just because I have a college degree. But the funny thing is I was down about not having a social work job the other day and tonight I was just looking at Cassie's pictures from her job and for some reason I never realized she worked in a cubicle. I do not want to work in one. If I had a job using my degree I'd most likely be working in a cubicle. I am not an office person (unless I'm installing in one). Sometimes I fantasize about working in one or over glamorize it, but the truth is I love being outside. I love stopping work to look out the door and if I want I can walk out there and enjoy the weather. Sometimes there's an animal out in the field and Dad and I will stop working to watch it. Or we'll take our break outside because the breeze is even nicer out of the shop. Or I'll actually work outside because I can stand in the shade and catch a breeze or because I'm cold and to work in the sun. After almost 14 years of working in an environment like that I'll be sad to leave it. I LOVE working with my dad. May not enjoy the bad days, but then no one does. Since it's slowed down I've started getting depressed. It's what happens to me when I don't work. I NEED to work. I miss it. As much as I love visiting my mom's classes and volunteering, I know there is a difference between visiting and working everyday. Wherever I end up I hope it's not in a cubicle or even a room without windows (or few windows).