It's not just this time of year

but it's true,Christmas doesn't help it any...

2? 3? years ago...how pathetic am I? He's practically engaged.
And it's not like I want him, but that memory is bitter sweet.
It was a wonderful moment; one that hasn't had any like it follow since.
 Sure I've briefly faked it with others, but never once
have I been in a relationship; just "having fun".

It seems to me that only time I want to write is when
I'm melancholy;and how I wish I wasn't such a whiny
bitch, but alas this is who I seem to be.

At least I'm only bitching to the void of the internet....

I talked to my sister today; I swear that woman falls
into jobs and relationships
like I fall down. And I KNOW that she dates losers
and guys I don't want to, but I
want to date/get married...it's just never gonna happen.

Why do we/I enjoy listening to music that helps us/me
revel in the misery of the heart? Not that the following lyrics
 really are bad, but they do have the melancholy that
my heart seems to carry with it. Will I ever heal? I doubt it.
 I keep switching between longing to be in love
and the cynicism that I'm actually better off alone. All I know
is I don't want what my parents have...I want something better.

This song speaks to me. It's how I feel; almost to a 't'.

Anyway, here's Relient K's Merry Christmas,Here's to Many More....

I made it through the year and I did not even collapse
Gotta say, "Thank God, for that"
I'm torn between what keeps me whole and what tears me in half
I'll fall apart or stay intact

With tired eyes I stumble back to bed
I need to realize my sorry life's not hanging by a thread
At least not yet

So look at me now
Its finally Christmas and I'm home
Head indoors, to get out of this weather
And I don't know how
But the closest friends I've ever known are all inside
Singing together
Singing merry Christmas, here's to many more

It always hurt to be all by myself this time of year
A cold and lonely Christmas eve
And living out my days alone
Well that had been my deepest fear
But you promised you won't leave

I look towards the east and see a star
Jesus Christ, has blessed my life to know just who you are
You are my hope

So look at me now
Its finally Christmas and I'm home
Head indoors, to get out of this weather
And I don't know how
But the closest friends I've ever known are all inside
Singing together
Singing merry Christmas, here's to many more

Deck the halls with mistletoe
May all your heavy burdens go
Up the chimney in a cloud of smoke
The fire's burning bright
Strike up the band and play the tune
Cause Christmas will be here and soon
You'll hear our song in every room
This merry Christmas night

Singing merry Christmas, here's to many more

fa la la la
fa la la la