He made everything

beautiful in its time. Ecclesiastes 3:11

So my visa has arrived, but the dates are wrong so my trip will be in September. I got shots yesterday.

As of Sunday I have been in contact with another young woman who is going to India in September and I am trying to coordinate my trip with hers so that we can fly over together and maybe see the the Taj Mahal before going to Manipur.

I did the math and need about $3000 for while I'm gone. Most of it will be for the bills here in the states...blah! Stupid bills! But the Lord has a plan and he will make all things work together according to His will!

Fail sauce

So I didn't get the visa app sent because I forgot my passport number while at my parents' house. I was there because they have a printer and I don't. Oh well, guess I'll do that when I get home from my weekend trip to NYC. Leaving for the airport in an hour! :)

India Bound

    I am going to Manipur, India at the end of November to work at Covenant Children's Home http://ww.pmiweb.org/LT_children.asp. Lian Tombing came to visit my church March 25th and after meeting him, I felt called to join him as he worked with the orphans of Manipur. When he found out that I had a Bachelor's of Social Work he told me that I was needed and asked me when I would join him. At the time, I didn't have a passport, but as of last weekend, that has changed. 

 The red highlighted part on the map of India is Manipur.
didn't even know that was part of India until a month ago. 

To go to India I need: a visa, vaccinations, and plane tickets (from Orlando to New Delhi and from New Delhi to Manipur).   I also need to pay my bills here while I'm gone (Rent, utilities, insurance, credit card = approx $900)

I have: My passport and 2 pictures for my visa. 

Today I will: fill out, print, and mail the application for the tourist visa to India. 

Roller Coaster

favorite ride...let me kiss you one last time...

Although, there's been no kissing involved, and I really don't enjoy the boy roller coaster. So I guess the rest of that song doesn't apply. Last Saturday, I told my mom "I like liking guys" today I was thinking, "I hate liking guys". Oh how a week can change your emotions. What goes up must come down...

I still like him. He's cute, funny, fun to be with, has similar interests, loves Jesus, loves working with teens, loves camping, but he's less mature than I am. Which really, wouldn't bother me too much, but he also wants to get out of this state. So, now I'm wondering why we're putting so much effort into flirting. I still like him, so I don't want to stop, but if it's not going to lead anywhere is there a point? He doesn't like serious conversations so I can't bring it up to him. Also, we're just friends and although I'm pretty sure he likes me too, I don't want to be presumptuous. Altho, one good thing about this, it's the first time I haven't felt like I chasing him. He plans a lot of our mutual events too. Oh well...at least meeting him helped remind me that I could just meet anyone at anytime. or something.

Don't put me in a box

One reason I love working for Schmucker Cabinets is because it's in a storage unit and we keep the garage doors open (pending on the weather). It's like working outside, because we don't have a.c. or heat, but it's better than working outside because we're not in the sun. Florida summers at the shop can seem like hell (literally) especially when we have to spray inside with the doors down to filter the fumes out. BUT lately work has slowed down to the speed of a leaky faucet, and this has had me trying to find ways to support my lifestyle in other venues. I applied for social work type jobs to utilize my degree, but no one wanted me. I am working on becoming a substitute teacher, and waiting on my PIN so I can get started. My mom has me thinking about going to get my master's in gifted education so I can teach Alpha like her, but I want to wait and see how I like teacher. I am on two au pair websites to see about becoming a nanny overseas or something, and I had been talking to this lady in Australia but she can't afford to buy me a ticket over and neither can I. I applied to work at Tijuana Flats around Christmas, but I don't think they'll hire me just because I have a college degree. But the funny thing is I was down about not having a social work job the other day and tonight I was just looking at Cassie's pictures from her job and for some reason I never realized she worked in a cubicle. I do not want to work in one. If I had a job using my degree I'd most likely be working in a cubicle. I am not an office person (unless I'm installing in one). Sometimes I fantasize about working in one or over glamorize it, but the truth is I love being outside. I love stopping work to look out the door and if I want I can walk out there and enjoy the weather. Sometimes there's an animal out in the field and Dad and I will stop working to watch it. Or we'll take our break outside because the breeze is even nicer out of the shop. Or I'll actually work outside because I can stand in the shade and catch a breeze or because I'm cold and to work in the sun. After almost 14 years of working in an environment like that I'll be sad to leave it. I LOVE working with my dad. May not enjoy the bad days, but then no one does. Since it's slowed down I've started getting depressed. It's what happens to me when I don't work. I NEED to work. I miss it. As much as I love visiting my mom's classes and volunteering, I know there is a difference between visiting and working everyday. Wherever I end up I hope it's not in a cubicle or even a room without windows (or few windows).

It's not just this time of year

but it's true,Christmas doesn't help it any...

2? 3? years ago...how pathetic am I? He's practically engaged.
And it's not like I want him, but that memory is bitter sweet.
It was a wonderful moment; one that hasn't had any like it follow since.
 Sure I've briefly faked it with others, but never once
have I been in a relationship; just "having fun".

It seems to me that only time I want to write is when
I'm melancholy;and how I wish I wasn't such a whiny
bitch, but alas this is who I seem to be.

At least I'm only bitching to the void of the internet....

I talked to my sister today; I swear that woman falls
into jobs and relationships
like I fall down. And I KNOW that she dates losers
and guys I don't want to, but I
want to date/get married...it's just never gonna happen.

Why do we/I enjoy listening to music that helps us/me
revel in the misery of the heart? Not that the following lyrics
 really are bad, but they do have the melancholy that
my heart seems to carry with it. Will I ever heal? I doubt it.
 I keep switching between longing to be in love
and the cynicism that I'm actually better off alone. All I know
is I don't want what my parents have...I want something better.

This song speaks to me. It's how I feel; almost to a 't'.

Anyway, here's Relient K's Merry Christmas,Here's to Many More....

I made it through the year and I did not even collapse
Gotta say, "Thank God, for that"
I'm torn between what keeps me whole and what tears me in half
I'll fall apart or stay intact

With tired eyes I stumble back to bed
I need to realize my sorry life's not hanging by a thread
At least not yet

So look at me now
Its finally Christmas and I'm home
Head indoors, to get out of this weather
And I don't know how
But the closest friends I've ever known are all inside
Singing together
Singing merry Christmas, here's to many more

It always hurt to be all by myself this time of year
A cold and lonely Christmas eve
And living out my days alone
Well that had been my deepest fear
But you promised you won't leave

I look towards the east and see a star
Jesus Christ, has blessed my life to know just who you are
You are my hope

So look at me now
Its finally Christmas and I'm home
Head indoors, to get out of this weather
And I don't know how
But the closest friends I've ever known are all inside
Singing together
Singing merry Christmas, here's to many more

Deck the halls with mistletoe
May all your heavy burdens go
Up the chimney in a cloud of smoke
The fire's burning bright
Strike up the band and play the tune
Cause Christmas will be here and soon
You'll hear our song in every room
This merry Christmas night

Singing merry Christmas, here's to many more

fa la la la
fa la la la

Metaphysical thoughts about Fable, myself, and God

For some reason I was thinking about how comfortable I've become with my cat versus how I felt about her when I first got her. When I first got her, we were both unsure about each other. I'd be watching tv or reading but I always wanted to know where she was or what she was doing, and she was more or less the same way. She was weary of me and I her. Now we aren't really interested in what the other is doing unless we might want to join in. Although, sometimes she follows me around - always has to be in the same room as me. But then I was thinking about how before I got her I didn't think I really needed a cat. I would play with the idea of getting a cat or dog, but never really wanted to commit to the idea. Then Dane and Lindsey needed to get rid of her and since I had been thinking about getting a cat, said I'd take her. If it didn't work out I could always take her to the pound... But now if I were to have to get rid of her I'd be lonely. I miss her when I'm away from her for too long. Like when I went to Hawaii she was the one back home I missed the most. I think she's a good part of my emotional stability these past 7? months....or more stable than I've been in the past.

It's funny how sometimes when I think about my relationship with Fable I compare it to God. Sometimes she's in God's role and sometimes I am. She likes to be near me - just I should be towards God- just as God is to me. Sometimes she feels insecure and if I stop petting her she gets upset and I know there have been times where I've felt like that with God. God "takes His hand off to change the page in His book" and I look at Him like "Lord, what is wrong?". At the beginning of our relationship with Him, we know we need Him, but the more we get to know Him and become dependent on Him the more we realize how much we NEED Him. We rely on Him, and get worried when it seems like He won't be there for us, but unlike myself or a cat, HE will always be there. Yes, I know bad things will still happen. This is a fallen world we live in, God is good and all things work to His glory, which is what we are here for anyway - glorifying Him.